Ice Hawks Find Recipe For Victory

The Ice Hawks rebounded nicely from our last disappointing outing and dealt a 3-0 loss to the Stingrays. It was a game with a lot of missed opportunities as we peppered their goalie with 33 shots, many of the point blank variety, but only managed to squeeze 3 of them in. 22 Arsenault started the scoring by taking the puck from behind the net, curled around and noticed that everyone was falling down like bowling pins in front of the net, screening the goalie, allowing him sneak a wrist shot in glove side. 73 Stebbins received a mystery assist or what is more commonly referred to as a "James" on that one. Later in the game 16 M. Lachtanski scored and 12 Ross scored as well........Alright, I am showing bias now. I will describe the mighty feats of these fine men as well. 16 M. Lachtanski recently purchased two new rubber hockey sticks to replace the ones he so carelessly let the Notorious Ice Centre hockey punk scumbag dirtball steal from him earlier in the season and it paid off in spades. 16 M. Lachtanski received a pin point pass (it was intended for 13 K. Lachtanski ) from 70 Walter and he slammed it in with a rocket-like wrist shot. Although the sticks were formerly used as props in the movie "Slap Shot" because their "Bend but Don't Break the Bones in the Actor's Body" properties, I am sure Mike is now a big fan of vulcanized hockey sticks. 12 Ross capped off the scoring with one of his specialties: Stand in front of (or in, another of his specialties) the crease and jam in any puck that comes his way, which he did as Mike deftly directed the puck Hank's way for him to slam dunk it in for our third goal.

Notable Notes: 19 DeMarquez was a one man penalty killing machine as he kept the puck in their zone for 75% of the time he was on the ice. Good job Rich!! 22 Arsenault's bench clearing burps. Not only does his equipment smell like it was dredged through a sewer, he coupled that with eating a garlic rich cucumber salad (Recipe to Follow) an hour before the game. That would explain the 95% face off wins and the people falling down in front of the crease the same way flowers wilt when PePe LePew walks by. G Bart must have lost his stash because he slammed the door shut on the Sting Rays for his second Shut Out for the season. Yeah Bart!!, and remember, Just Say No!! 12 Ross wanted to put his dance lessons to work as he sought out a dance partner (a female, thank the Lord) and groped his way through a Tango for Two, as in two minutes in the bad boy box. In all fairness, I think the official infraction was "Hugging" as the referee failed to recognized any of the fancy dance moves Hank was working on. Speaking of referee's failing to see things: We had a mystery penalty tonight. Towards the end of the contest (loose translation) with 12 Ross , 22 Arsenault and 4 Stebbins on the ice, we were whistled for a Hooking call on #32. Give the ref credit there because it is hard to blow a whistle with your head that far up your..... but naturally we knew it wasn't any of us that were guilty of any infraction (just like all the guys in Pelican Bay Prison) so we all looked around sheepishly as the ref mumbled a few things then he finally said "Hooking on White". Well Hank must have felt guilty of hooking (I did overhear Hank ask the girl he was embraced with earlier if she "wanted a date?") and headed to the box. Officially the penalty was issued to 22 Arsenault .

Definition of the Week: A "James" is when ever there is a goal scored and there is any confusion as to where the puck came from or even if there isn't any confusion but you think you can get away with taking credit for the second assist, You do!! This applies to goals as well. You can camp in front of the crease and any time a shot goes in from outside the crease you claim you tipped it in and congratulate the guy who shot it for the nice pass to you. This only works because the refs aren't watching as closely as you are and your team mates don't care as much as you do about stats. If James Kucera ever logs on to our web site to bask in the Glory Days then I urge him to refer to the disclaimer for all definitions stated in the Game 12 Summary.

On that note, James had three assists tonight to lead all scorers again and we will be back at it in 3 weeks with a rejuvenated 44 Young (Hopefully).